School Daze

Well, my summer is officially over.  Not because my kids are back in school but on the contrary, because I am.

Today marks the day I find myself once again, sitting in a classroom.  But now, I am a grad student. It's not my first time at the rodeo, but this is definitely a new horse.   I am filled with excitement and nervous energy.  I really don't know what to expect and can you believe this, I haven't even figured out what to wear yet!

When I told Holly, one of my oldest and best friends, that I had already emailed my professor to ask if I should prepare for the first day by reading one of the 13 books assigned, her response was this "Let the ass kissing begin.  You know, all the other students are gonna hate you.  You will be that one in the front, raising your hand and making the rest of them look like idiots."  To which I replied "Holl, don't be ridiculous.  This is graduate school.  Most of these people are working professionals, not fresh college grads in pursuit of a creative writing MFA." 

Then I remembered when I picked up my parking permit and was asked casually by the security guard, if I would like the fee deducted out of my faculty payroll.  

Hmmmmmm

What if I am the oldest, anxiously waving my hand waiting to be called on?  What if I am the one geeking out in the front of the class, taking notes at break-neck speed?  What if-gasp-I am older than my professor?  Yikes, it's possible.  At 35 I was older than one of my teachers so I suspect that I may run into the same situation here.  I am fairly certain that one of them is considerably older than I, since he graduated from college in 1978. Unless, of course, he is the Doogie Howser of the literary world.  

And yes, I read his bio. Never hurts to be prepared.

So as I sit here typing away, I am wondering what this day holds for me.  I know that I will head off to yoga in an hour, to calm my frazzled nerves a smidge.  After lunch (if I can eat) I plan on leaving for school with plenty of time to find parking and get myself acclimated to the campus.  I missed "new kid" orientation but I figured once again, I might be mistaken for an R.A., a house mother or a member of the faculty  welcoming committee.  After the parking permit incident, I thought it best to sit that one out.

Wish me luck as I embark on this adventure.  One that is sure to be filled with surprises and reality checks.  

And I want to thank each one of you who have supported and inspired me to follow my dream of writing and returning to school to pursue that dream.  Most importantly, I want to thank my family and my husband Chris.  Honey, you are amazing and I am so grateful that I have your love and support.  You ROCK and you ARE my rock.

And as far as my blog goes, well perhaps it will take on a new shape.  One that is filled with my adventures as a wide eyed graduate student at the tender age of 40.  

I am not above brown-nosing to be the teacher's pet so as Holly would say...Let the arm waving and ass kissing begin.  

TGIF and and even more, TGFF-

Thank God for Fridays and Thank God for Friends.

 

I love Fridays.  And don't be mistaken, not the restaurant but the glorious day of the week that kicks off the weekend.  It's just one of those days that almost always feels perfect.

That being said, Fridays also seem to be the best days for me to write.  My head seems a bit more clear and my thoughts tend to flow freely, although sometimes I am overloaded with so many ideas that I have to sift through them to settle on one particular topic that really peaks my interest.

Today is one of those days where my thoughts are all over the place, bear with me.  There will be a point.  We might just discover it together.

Last weekend I was blessed to have the opportunity to get away with three of my very best friends.  We were off to celebrate another 40th birthday which is, of course,  worthy of celebration. Per my dear friend Jen's recommendation, we kicked off our weekend on Thursday with a lovely dinner in Santa Barbara at a quaint little restaurant off the beaten path called Jill's Place.  It's a locals only kind of place with a great atmosphere, and the food and drinks were yummy but the company was better.  It's hard to describe the amount of laughter we shared other than there were definite times throughout the evening that I thought I might need an adult diaper.  TMI?

As the weekend progressed, three other ladies joined our gang.  These women were friends of the birthday girl.  I met two of them before and as it turns out, knew the other one from my brief stint at Vista Del Rio Jr. High in 1987.  (My world continues to shrink).

We all clicked immediately and with the addition of alcohol, gossip magazines, an ocean breeze, sunshine, lounge chairs and a pool, it was easy.  That coupled with the fact that we are all busy mothers, so not having to look out for, spray sunscreen on, tend to or run after any children, was a recipe for instant camaraderie. 

The weekend was long and enjoyable beyond measure and my dear friend Amber was able to relax and focus on herself and her needs.  And as a mother of four, that is a real luxury.  Amber's situation is unique, more so than the rest of us.  I have shared this information before but in case you may have forgotten, Amber's son was injured severely and paralyzed in a freak accident in the ocean at Newport Beach a little over two years ago.

Since then, as you can imagine, Amber and the rest of her family's lives (especially and most importantly her son, Zack), have changed drastically. 

There are so many things I admire about Amber but her devotion to her children and family is one of the things I admire most.  She's open and honest about her feelings and her life and she doesn't sugar coat things.  She says Zack is her inspiration.  But she also makes it known to each one of her other children how unique and special they are.  She is gifted as a mother and a friend, her faith is unwavering and I don't think she has a clue as to how truly amazing and special she is. 

I have shared this with her before, but I just feel like it's not something you can ever say enough. 

On the last night of our trip, we sat around the fire out on the patio of the hotel bar, drinking wine and cocktails, eating pizza for dinner and bantering back and forth while laughing hysterically as we recapped the events of the previous days. 

In true form (and after about four red wine spritzers) I decided that I needed to share the blog I wrote about transformation.  This prompted my friend Jen to "take it to a deeper level" and she posed this question: Which personal characteristic or trait do you think serves you the most, which serves you the least and why?

As each woman shared her answers, the rest of us commented on the responses.  It opened a discussion forum that really focused on reinforcing the positive ways in which we view ourselves and helped us all recognize that our self-described weaknesses were actually areas where significant growth was waiting for us, just lingering on the horizon.

One of the things I took away from that experience was a deeply renewed connection with my old friends as well as with my new ones.  Sharing intimate thoughts and details about yourself is not easy for many, I however, don't have that problem.  Again, sometimes I tend to over-share, see paragraph four above or any of my other blogs in case you haven't figured that out.

As we wrapped up our impromptu group therapy session, we all walked away with a feeling of joy and happiness which followed us through to our spontaneous dance party among the diverse crowd at the Embassy Suites Mandalay Beach Resort.  The energy was electric and tangible and we harnessed it right up to the point when we walked back to our room at midnight and Amber and Michelle commandeered a rouge shopping cart for a quick ride on the hotel grounds.  We finally collapsed into bed after a fun filled day, one that I won't soon forget.

When we woke Sunday morning, there was a definite shift in the energy. We would all be headed home, back to our every day lives.  I could sense the hesitation as we lingered about, taking showers and slowly packing up enough food, water and other stuff to have sustained us for two weeks, let alone four days...Wishful thinking for a longer stay I suppose.

I tried for a late check-out but alas, it was not to be.  So as of 11:00, we had to say good-bye to suite 9-302.  We promised to return someday, perhaps with our families in tow.  But nothing can replace the power of a girls getaway and this one in particular. 

As we parted ways and headed back to our regular lives, we left with a feeling of rejuvenation of spirit and soul, as well as many great memories and new friends.  I think if we all spent more time focusing our energy on being positive and seeing ourselves the way others see us, the possibilities for happiness become endless. 

So on the days you are feeling a little off, maybe sad or insecure, Call up your best friend (and this goes for you guys too) and revisit that question Jen so eloquently suggested: What serves you the most, what serves you the least, and why? 

 

Spend a helluva a lot more time on what serves you the most and harness that energy, savor it and share it.  You don't need a fire or pizza or even wine.  You just need a good friend you can count on, some encouraging words and a different outlook and if it happens on a Friday, that's even better.

I thank Amber again, for bringing us all together and for being a truly inspiring and generous friend.



*For my loyal friends and readers, I will take this opportunity again to remind you that  Amber's son Zack undergoes rigorous physical therapy at Project Walk in Carlsbad, California.  This intense program is not covered by insurance so the Collie family has a fund set up to accept donations to pay for Zack's ongoing needs.  If you would like to make a donation (any and all amounts are welcome and greatly appreciated) visit www.zcollie.blogspot.com and you can read more about Zack, his personal story and how far he's come since his injury.

Thank you all, and Happy Friday!

Camping

A lot of people may think I am a bit of a prima-donna, and they might be right.  I wasn't always this way, I will freely admit that over the course of 40 years, I have evolved into a woman who likes the finer things in life, but that's not to say that I can't appreciate the simpler things.  I *reluctantly* went camping last weekend.  I will also admit right here and now that I have a love/hate relationship with camping and it can turn on a dime, which it often does.

I grew up with a father who taught me how to camp, I mean really camp.  I washed dishes and took baths in rivers and lakes, I slept under the stars in a banana lounge chair on the shore of a cove in Lake Havasu, and I made more than a few trips to an outhouse perched atop a hill overlooking the campsite we called home for a week at a time. Truth is, I loved it (well all except the outhouse) but in my adult life, I have gotten used to being pampered.

Now I am lucky enough to have a sweet little vacation home out at the river.  It has it's issues, what with the mainentence, the occasional mouse and cockroaches the size of golfballs. But really it's like a little slice of heaven on earth.  I am spoiled because besides food, I have everything I need right there.  I have stocked that place up!  We even have cable TV, which last I checked Ridgemont still didn't.

So last weekend, we packed up the trailer we borrowed from my Mom's boyfriend Dave.  He generously allowed us to use it so that saved us quite a bit of dough since we didn't need to rent an RV.  We've used it before and it's a fine little toy-hauler, it does the job and the beds are quite comfy, even with a small child twisting and turning against my back all night long, essentially it's pretty basic but at least there is a toilet for those 3:00 a.m. bathroom breaks I now have nightly.  It's more of a "glamping" situation than pitching a tent and peeing in the bushes outside.

We joined a group of friends who really LOVE camping, I mean they do it in style with HUGE 5th wheels and all the extra goodies which makes this production much more satisfying I suspect.  Full kitchens and fancy bedrooms, the whole kit and caboodle.  Jealous? Yes I suppose I am.

Anyway, back to the camping.  So the prep work that goes with the "relaxing getaway" is not something I love.  In fact, packing up a bunch of crap while fending off a serious case of PMS, well let's just say it's not the perfect combination for a delightful weekend.  I do recognize that my attitude may have played a roll in  my reluctance, but I sucked it up and did the grocery shopping, the laundry, the stuffing of the bedding into a variety of bins, I gathered the toys and the electronics, got the bikes together, made lists of things to bring, etc. etc.  And so off we went to spend time in the great outdoors. 

We arrived in Carlsbad after an hour drive, not too bad considering we were towing.  We found our spot and our friends and began the process of setting up camp, which basically involves unpacking all the crap I had just loaded into the trailer and trying to fit 10 lbs. of shit into a 5 lb. bag...(thank's Mike, borrowed this little gem from you.  I like it.)

When I finally got it all sorted out, it was time for some sangria.  Ah...the refreshing part of the weekend!  We rode our bikes a bit and walked down to the "beach" (and I use this term only in the sense that the ocean met the shore but really it was much more of a rocky terrain than a beach). 

I did manage to whip up some rather tasty tacos in the shoebox kitchen and only got one complaint (my son, but he bitches about everything so I didn't take it seriously).  We put the little kids to bed, enlisted the 15 and 13 year-olds to babysit and joined our friends a few campsites down to sit around the fire and have a drink (or five).   Chris was the smart one who went to bed early, like maybe 11:30.  I, however, felt the need to be the last one to leave the party, probably some time around 2:00.  Yes, I am a fool.  You would think I would know better now but it's like a vortex, I just get sucked in!

So when the sun came up and the little girl woke, there really was not a whole lot of sleep for this lady.  Sleep is a valuable commodity in my life and without it, well let's just say that I might not be the "happiest" gal on the block.  Right about then, I was ready to pack up our junk and head back to the comforts of my home.  Chris was feeling the same way but when I checked on my boy who was sitting in the tent pitched outside, attempting to roll up a sleeping bag but was just sort of picking at the zipper, and saw the look on his face (with tears welled up), I knew we HAD to stay.  Chris and I muddled through the morning, Gav pulled on his wetsuit and grabbed his surfboard and went out surfing with his buddy. 

My dear friend Nicky took her little girl and Piper to a sandy, kid-friendly beach down the way.  Chris and I watched Gav surf and play in the ocean.  No sleep and a little hangover had everything to do with my own poor choice so why should our kids suffer?  Right.  They shouldn't. 

So we sucked it up and spent another night.  Our friends put together an amazing spread for dinner but grumpy old me, well I didn't even want to cook.  My family thought that Pick Up Stix sounded fine so I drove off site to have everyone's favorite camping fare: Chinese fast food.

We hit the sack and woke up early Sunday morning, Father's Day.  It's a rough holiday for both Chris and me, bittersweet since we both lost our Dads.  But Chris is such an amazing father so it's a day to celebrate him.  I'm not making excuses but I think this day coupled with grey skies and looming sadness, well it makes for a recipe resulting in a crabby bad attitude. 

We packed up all the gear, the chairs, surfboards and bikes into the back of the trailer and got the hell out of Dodge before you could start your generator, which incidentally in California State Parks, is not until 10:00 a.m.  Ugh~no coffee.

The good that came from this weekend was that our kids thoroughly enjoyed themselves.  They got filthy dirty, ate junk food, hung out and played with their friends and smiled the whole time.  So even with all this bitching, will I do it again?  Probably.  Will I complain the whole time?  Maybe, depends on the time of the month.

The bottom line is this:  The stuff we do for our kids, for our families, might not always be our favorite, but we do it anyway.  We do it because we get to see the way our kids light up and share their joy and happiness.  We do it because we remember our own childhood (the good and bad) and make choices to make things better, more fun, for our own kids.  Ultimately, we do it to create memories and connections with our family and friends.  

I often tell my son to "suck it up" and make the most of the situation you find yourself in.  I suppose I need to take my own advice.  But, I am only human and I won't apologize for that.  I will, however, apologize for acting like a turd if I offended anyone by being a grumpy crumudgeon, but that's what hormones and a lack of a shower will do to a girl.

In any case, I wish you all the best of luck in your future camping endeavers and if you are anything like me, I recommend sangria and sleep, in that order.

Happy Weekend and Summer!

Tranformation

I just spent a wonderful weekend at our little place on the Colorado River.  We went out there with some friends and were lucky enough to have wonderful sitters for the kids. So for just a minute or two, it felt like we were on Spring Break again, oh the good ole' days.  Would I want to go back there (meaning days without responsibilities like children and a mortgage)?  Not really, but that's what makes the time away well appreciated and the joy of coming home to my kids' smiling faces that much sweeter.

We have been friends with the three people that came with us for almost 20 years, Chris has known them even longer, back to the days of high school. What's so interesting is that one of them is going through an extraordinary transformation and I gotta tell ya, watching the changes this man is making, both inside and out, is truly inspiring.  I think he would agree with the assessment that his personality might be construed as "strong." At times, he can be obnoxious and abrasive, but most other times he can be a trusted confidant and friend.  In any case, as I watch him grow and evolve as a person, I see the light and happiness begin to break through that rough and tough exterior.  It's a bit like watching a Monarch shed his cocoon and spread those magnificent orange and black wings.  I'm looking forward to watching him fly.

Transformation. 

It can happen to anyone at any time.  To sum it up, it can be defined as a "marked change, usually for the better."  Do these changes need to be immediate and massive? I don't think so.  In fact, the process itself might involve a series of small changes, put together to create a chain.  Each link is fused to the next forming a bond that is structurally sound and able to withstand even the most difficult and unexpected circumstances.  This analogy can apply to either physical or emotional changes, but don't they often go hand in hand?  Our bodies do tend to reflect what we are thinking and feeling inside our heads.  Regarding these personal transformations, the "experts" say that if we tackle challenges head on and face our fear of change by making small adjustments, we can better manage ourselves as we navigate through unfamiliar territory without feeling overwhelmed.  

Setting goals is important but making them realistic is essential.  I've always said that adopting the "all or nothing" mentality can backfire.  Committing to changing or starting something; whether it be quitting smoking, exercise, eating healthy, finishing school, planting a garden, learning to swim, riding a bike, smiling more, being a better friend, whatever~I think it's important to start small.  And if you slip up, cut yourself some slack already.  Rome wasn't built in a day, right? 

We are all works in progress.  There isn't anything that holds us back more than our perception of ourselves. Believe me, I know as much as anyone, that the negative mental baggage we continue to schlep around can be exceptionally hard to lose.  But if you start by letting go of that stupid little carry-on first, it can be much easier to unload that faux leather Samsonite you are dragging behind you. You know what I'm talking about, the bag that's so old it doesn't even have those fancy little wheels and the handle that pops up out of the top?  Yeah, that's the one.  That enormous suitcase filled with the mental crap that you don't need.  If it doesn't serve you, let it go. 

And now you are shouting at me, "But that's easier said than done!"

And yes, you are right.  But you do have a choice in the matter.  This is your life.  If you want to keep toting around that old bag full of junk, go right on ahead.  Or would you rather trade it in for a sparkly new number with a shiny handle, a protective cover (maybe with pink flamingos on it) and wheels that even do a 360*?

Life is riddled with tough decisions and challenges.  How we respond to them is our choice.  Resisting change is easy, embracing change is hard, no big surprise there.  And now that I am witnessing my friend transform his whole life -his perspective, his body and his mind- it reminds me to face my own challenges head on and that determination, support and sheer will are key tools to ensure success. That and a little thing called forgiveness.

I think the message is this:  If you want to make changes in your life, if you want to make a transformation of sorts, don't be afraid to do it.  Get a new set of luggage and fill it with stuff you actually need, things like books and journals and support  from your friends and family by sharing your intentions.  Acutally put those tools to good use.  And remember there is no room for negative junk, only the good stuff.  Knowledge is power and not just because the guy on the Saturday morning cartoons sang about it, that really was some sound advice. 

And to my friend Demko, spread those wings man...it's your time to fly.

Accepted and Acceptance

Yesterday I got the news that I was accepted to the graduate program for Creative Writing at Chapman University in the Fall of 2012.

Needless to say, I was overcome with emotion.  I was downstairs alone and Piper was napping.  Gavin had gone off to hang out with some friends and I opened an email from the admissions advisor I have been working with for the past few months.  I sent her a note a half hour earlier asking when I might get my letter (via old fashioned snail mail) because I checked my status online and "the decision had been mailed" as of May 14. 

That was Monday. 

Yesterday was Thursday and I had been checking the mailbox frantically, waiting for the postman to deliver this invaluable bit of information, information that might change the course of my life.  I literally had to leave the house to distract myself from dancing around outside in the driveway with anxious anticipation.

She sent a rather vague note with a letter "regarding my admission" attached.  I opened the attachment, which incidentally took about four minutes to download.  I was watching Howard Stern on "The Talk" when it finally popped up.  I paused the show, looked at the screen of my iPad and saw the word "Congratulations."  I read it about 5 more times and let it sink in, then I burst into tears. I had no idea that I would feel the same emotions I expected to feel if I had not been accepted.  I was hyperventilating and crying like a toddler who just lost bottle privileges. 

I immediately looked up to my mantle, saw the photos of my Dad and Susie and in my tremendous joy, felt a surge of sadness that I couldn't share this moment with them.  This incredible moment that was INSPIRED by them.  I sat for a minute and calmed myself.  I called Chris to share the news with him and he was, as always, completely supportive and excited for me.  I burst into the second set of tears in five minutes. 

The next call I made was to my Mom.  She has always had faith in me and encouraged and supported my dreams and decisions in life.  I couldn't wait to share the news.  You can guess what happened next...yes, more tears and joy.  Then I called Cheryl (Chris's mom) and received the same warm and supportive reception. 

Then I called my editor, better known as one of my Ya Ya's (or a BFF to use a term the kids say) Jenn, who couldn't have been prouder.  She was almost as excited as I was.  Were it not for her careful editing skills, I may not have turned in my best work.  Jenn, here is a heartfelt thank you on my blog, but you can bet your sweet ass you will get one in the book.

I called many more friends and family members to share this news and each one helped to encourage and boost my spirits even more.  I know that this journey will be one filled with challenges but I have been blessed with a support system unlike any other.  For that, I am beyond grateful.

But the truth is, I believed in myself.  I worked really really hard for this and up until about a week ago, I assumed that I would get in without an issue.  I don't know if it was my inflated ego but I really felt like it was a no-brainer. 

As the days grew closer to the actual acceptance decision, I started to have some doubts.  I started to think that maybe I wouldn't get in.  Maybe I didn't have what they were looking for.  Maybe it wasn't in the cards for me. 

My stomach was in knots as I thought about it more and more.  I then realized that I had done everything in my power, put my best work out there, and now I had to let the Universe take over.  I had to surrender control and expectations and be willing to accept the answer, whatever it might be.

Wednesday morning, after checking the mailbox for the third time, I decided to head out to yoga.  On my way there, I did a lot of self talk, I mean literally, out loud, self talk.  Some may call it a prayer, which that may be what it is. I just told myself that I had to be open to whatever the Universe had to offer.  And if that meant I wasn't going to get into Chapman, well then I had to accept it.

I went to class and moved through the postures in a 100* room filled with sweaty yogi's, and breathed it all in.  I struggled that day with many of the asanas but yoga has taught me that acceptance is part of the practice.  You are exactly where you are supposed to be, right then and there.  Turning to my other passion, turning to the gift that is yoga, allowed me to focus and ground myself and it calmed my frazzled nerves. 

I was so grateful when I got the news I had been hoping for, but that isn't always how it works out, is it? 

I think we all think about acceptance as coming from others, but the real meaning of acceptance is through ourselves.  Being open and honest with yourself, opens the door to acceptance.  Acceptance of what is, what will be and what has been, is one of the keys to awareness, change and happiness. 

As I go through this journey, I am certain that I will have to be full of acceptance.  There might be people who don't like my work, I might not get straight A's, I might struggle with a Shakespearean class.  In the grand scheme of life, these are minor hiccups.  If I can learn to accept the little disappointments in life, maybe the big ones won't seem so horrible and the great gifts in life, the gifts that far exceed the disappointments, I will accept those with grace and gratitude. 

So with that said, I urge you to accept yourself right where you are this minute and then decide if you want, or need, to change.  Look in the mirror and examine what you see.  Is the image the person you want to be?  Are you following your dreams?  Are you following your passion? 

These are big questions for which you may not have the answers. Start looking for them and don't be afraid to try something new.  This is your life, right?  Who are you living it for? As my other Ya Ya and dear friend Jen (and some guy named Gandhi) would say "Be the Change You Want to See in the World,"  and ACCEPT the wonderful being that is you.

I want to thank my extraordinary family and friends, once again, for your unwavering support and love. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Happy Mother's Day!

Hello All!

Forgive my absence for I have been busy with the whole grad school application process, it was a doozy for sure!  Now, I am just waiting to hear if I will be, once again, joining the world of academia...

Or not.  Cross your fingers for the former of the two.

No stress, if it is meant to be, I will be returning to a college campus in August and buckling down.  If not, I will keep on keepin' on and hopefully, will finish the rest of the book I've written six full chapters of!  A fire is lit and the creative juices are flowing! So even though my blog has been neglected, I have still been writing.

So this morning, I got myself dolled up (don't get excited, that just means jeans and some make-up versus yoga pants and a pony tail) because Piper's school was offering photos with your child for Mother's Day.  I was bummed that Gav couldn't join us but he's a cool 7th grader who is often reluctant to get his picture taken at all, let alone with his mother.

So for a mother/daughter/grandaughter treat, my mom, Piper and I are heading down to San Diego tonight to spend the day at SeaWorld tomorrow.  The boys have a skateboarding deal so it's a good reason to head out of Dodge for a day of fun in the sun.   I am really excited because this trip reminds me of when I was a kid and my mom and I used to do the same thing-get a hotel, order room service (ahhhh room service) and trek all over the park to watch the whales, dolphins, penguins and flamingos.  Only back then, SeaWorld still had the AWESOME pearl diving - my favorite! At least they still have the otter and sea lion show, gotta love Clyde. Oh and Shamu had not yet attacked and killed a trainer. 

Piper is as intrigued and thrilled with marine life as Gavin and it's so amazing to see the similarities my children share, even being nine years apart and of the opposite sex.  Of course, Piper does idolize her big brother and her fascination with all things Gavin, from skateboarding to dinosaurs, is never-ending.

These two kids, they have changed my life.  I know, pretty standard for all parents, duh, but the reality is that the children have made me a better person.  I am selfish, I admit this freely.  I was basically an only child until I was a teenager.  My complicated and crazy family is another story entirely, which we have touched on in the past, but I was used to being an only child, having and getting everything I wanted (for the most part).  Don't be mistaken, my life has not been a rose garden, but it certainly has not been too terrible either.  I'm a glass is half-full kinda girl.

Spoiled?  Probably...well yes.  But  the truth is that even though I can be self-absorbed, I was lucky enough to have a mother who taught me how to be a good person.  She taught me how to be loving, caring, patient and kind, tolerant, giving and forgiving.  She taught me how to admit when I was wrong and how to apologize sincerely.  It is possible to be selfish and still have those qualities, I am living proof (I hope). 

And my friends adore her too, bonus.

When I married Chris, I got another Mom.  One that I love and admire. One that accepts me and loves me just as I am.  One that treats me as though I am her very own.  How lucky am I?  Pretty lucky I guess.  Oh, and my husband is pretty cool too.

I have a step-mother and step-mother-in-law who are incredible people as well.  In addition, I still have my grandmother, aunts and sisters. I am surrounded by women who offer love, advice and support whenever I need it.  And I couldn't be happier. 

See there I go again, it's all about me!  Hey, I will gladly own this too, for one can never have too much in the ways of love and support from the strong women in their lives. 

I sent out about 30 mother's day cards to my family and friends, most of whom have become amazing mothers themselves.  Those who have not yet ventured into the world of parenting, have offered unlimited love and support to my kids and I know that they will be incredible mothers some day too (if that's the path they choose).

All of these women, these mothers and friends, continue to teach me about unconditional love, patience, understanding and sacrifice.  They also remind me to laugh and to be present in each day, to really cherish the moments because as we all know, they are fleeting. 

So now that I have my own kids, I can only hope that I can teach my  children to have these same qualities, qualities that are admired by most and envied by some. 

Being a mother, while it doesn't define me, it certainly is a huge part of the definition of me.  Were it not for my kids, I don't think I could truly understand  myself and who I am supposed to be.  Times can be crazy, frustrating and messy but would I trade it for anything?  Hell no.  Bring on the insanity! There is never a dull moment and it certainly makes life interesting.

And as for the pearl diving, do you think I could do it in my pool?  Anyone got a line on where I can get some dive equipment and oysters in the shell, cheap?

Happy Mother's Day to all of the women in my life, but especially to my Mom...

Magi, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be me.
I love you...

Deadlines...

It seems like I got nothin' but deadlines these days.

First, I apologize for not posting more often, for I am humbled to know that there are a few people who do enjoy reading my blog and care about what I have to say.  But alas, my absence is for the good....I hope.

I am in the process of applying to graduate school.  My intentions are to be admitted and start in the Fall of 2012 which is just a few short months away!
So the application process alone is full of work and deadlines so I haven't been able to write nearly as much as I would like, save for the BOOK I have actually started.

Yes, it's true.  I have been pouring my energy into writing a very exciting project.  With any luck I will see my manuscript actually published one day. I have completed eight and a half pages so far, which is better than I thought I had done so that gives me tremendous hope that I will continue to have a free flowing brain, filled with ideas that will make this literary piece both entertaining and insightful.  That, and I will get admitted to graduate school based on my ability to write creatively.

Deadlines are good.  They give us boundaries and guidelines.  That's one of the reasons I wanted to go back to school in the first place.  I am not a very good boss to myself.  I have great intentions but can get distracted.  Things like chores, bills, yoga, taking the kids to practice, swimming and dance, tend to get in the way of my ambitions. Good thing I know the boss, she's not gonna fire me anyway, no one else wants the job.

So deadlines for me = good.  I work better under pressure, I see the light and love to work toward the end result.  Clearly, I am no good at enforcing said deadlines on myself...as you might remember I was supposed to FINISH writing a book by the time I was 40.  Well that birthday is in three weeks and while my intentions have been good, the boss knows I am a slacker at times.  I guess I will have to settle for 3-5 chapters.  Hey, it's a start...

So going back to school means that I will once again, have expectations and deadlines set for me.  I will hone my craft, become a "good" writer, and be able to work as a professor at community colleges and four year universities if I choose to apply (and really, if they hire me, right?).  That, and I will have a pretty nice little degree to hang on my wall.  

I am a lover of school and only wish I had been this devoted as a kid.  But this seems to be my lot in life to be a student as an adult and I love it.  We all find our groove at some point, right? 

So forgive my absence as of late and know that while my posts may become even less frequent than before, understand that I am busy pouring my heart, soul and creative energy into my future as a writer and author, and hopefully creating a little something you might enjoy later on.

Fear nothing for I will not abandon you, my loyal readers.  As soon as I get those 25 pages finished, I will return. 

And thankfully, I've got a deadline.