And the stockings were hung...Well at least the lights were.

It's November 21 and my Christmas lights are hung.

Thank goodness for the efficient team known as "The Lite Guys" who called me two weeks ago to set up the date.  Turns out this is the first time the twinklers have been up before Thanksgiving! 

I am so excited because this is, for me, the single best way to kick off the holiday season.  I LOVE the lights and all the accoutrements that go with decorating for Christmas or Chanukah or Kwanzaa, whatever you celebrate.   This is the time of year when we seem to let our hearts soften a bit and we remember to give thanks and appreciate the ones we love.

It is also the beginning of what can surely be defined as blissful chaos.  Try as we might, planning ahead for things like Christmas shopping and filling out cards, often is just a thoughtful idea.  Most of us scramble around in a frantic state of panic trying to complete all of the tasks on our lists.  That's if we are lucky enough to remember to make one!  We should look to dear old St. Nick...he works on his list all year long!

Making lists are essential for me, but I sometimes forget what is most important...making my list of priorities.  All this being said, one of the things at the top of my personal agenda is trying to remain focused and get back on track with writing.  It seems that everyday distractions like my kid getting a lollipop stuck in her hair or the boy needing a ride to some friend's house can completely derail any attempt at actually putting words to thoughts and thoughts to paper...well alright, a computer screen really. 

So I wonder, is now the time of year to think about resolutions instead of January first?  Well that's such a confusing word, it sets us up for disappointment almost immediately because the connotation associated with a "resolution," is that it's almost always something that we dread doing. 

Instead, why not focus on the positive aspects and potential changes that a resolution can make in our lives.  We can start by redefining what the word resolution means to us.  Changing the terms, conditions and meaning is one way. For example we can make small daily resolutions that are much easier to stick to rather than overwhelming plans for massive changes over the course of a year.

For me, perhaps it means that I resolve to be easier on myself when I don't write.  Maybe I give myself a little more slack if when I do write, it's not absolutely perfect.  Maybe I let myself enjoy the mere fact that I have taken the time out of my busy life to nurture my soul and spirit by doing something I love to do.  Maybe it means that I set some attainable goals and forgive myself if I don't reach them, and then keep trying anyway.

What kind of resolution are you setting for yourself?  Maybe you want to smile more, get up 15 minutes earlier, stop caffeine, start making lists or maybe it's just to cut yourself a little slack in life.  Whatever it is, try to make it something you will feel both satisfaction and joy when trying to accomplish your intention.  And forgive yourself if you don't meet the desired goal, and just keep on truckin' along. 

So today, make a tiny resolution, one that you're sure you can keep.  Today, resolve to give yourself a hug and remember all the wonderful qualities that you have.  Remember that this is the season of caring which also means caring for yourself.  Remember that the holidays are about so much more than gifts and crowded shopping malls.  Channel your inner Clark Griswold, hang those lights (or call The Lite Guys)  and remember to enjoy the all the vivid illuminated splendor of the garish over-the-top holiday decor that only comes around this time of year! 

And now I bid you adieu and it is with great anticipation that I await thet sun setting so that I can see my own Christmas lights twinkling and sparkling in the cool winter night... 

Reunions: Part Deux

Well, it came and went, my Jr. High Reunion.

And, I am happy to report that given the intense build-up and a little bit of drama pre-event (courtesy of nearly three months of threads on a Web page filled with witty, racy, and sometimes misinterpreted banter), it seems as though all of those in attendance had zero regrets about coming, in fact it was such a success that like an ending to a prolific sitcom like "Cheers,"  there are already spin-off reunions happening that I suspect will have the same kind of success...a la "Frasier."

The power of the Internet, and Facebook in particular, allowed us to reach about 350 people and the night brought together well over 100 of us, our tight little community from Santa Ana. 

Friends came from as far away as the East Coast and as near as the same city in which they reside.  We all gathered together to reminisce about our youth and catch up on the happenings of today.

I can honestly say that I was more than pleasantly surprised at how smooth the transition into comfortable conversations was after not seeing one another for the better part of 25 years.  Of course, some small groups of friends had kept in close contact but for the most part people had lost touch.  And once we were all in the same room together again, it felt like old times...literally.

Which begs the question; How much do we really change?  I mean of course we change, but do the people who knew us in our most awkward and challenging years, get over the stereotyping and labels we used to put on one another?  We are all guilty of it but I would hope that after over two decades, those pre-conceived ideas and notions about our fellow classmates would no longer exist, and I felt that for the most part, that was the case. 

I think that has a lot to do with the age we are now, most of us in our late 30's and early 40's are FINALLY comfortable in our own skin and I know that I strive to be the kind of person who stays away from both judgement and gossip...Mainly because when I act that way, I feel like complete shit.  I am not always successful and will find myself caught up in stories and rumors just like we all do but I can honestly say that this is one area that I am REALLY trying to be consistent, and I am REALLY trying to always look for the best in people.  I find that maintaining a positive and optimistic attitude helps me get through my days, especially in the world we live in.

I think navigating the halls of middle school while trying to navigate the horror of puberty and adolescence is a hairy (no pun intended) and complicated path to follow.  We are all walking around, completely insecure and worried about every minute detail of our appearance and status, and we are so consumed by these thoughts that we forget to have fun and laugh.  Friendships we had as children were fractured and broken once we entered the halls of Jr. High. 

Now, as adults we can finally see all of the wonderful qualities our fellow classmates have, without the same kind of baggage that we carried around during those painfully emotional teenage years. 

Now we can relate to each other on so many levels, as parents of kids and teenagers, and we can see ourselves as friends and allies. 

Now we can appreciate our differences and respect them.

I can say this, I was a very different girl back then.  I was struggling with my own demons and even though I might have appeared to have had it all together, I learned how to be a pretty good actress.  Now, that 25 years has passed, I am not afraid to be myself, take it or leave it.  I am not afraid to smile, laugh and act like a complete goofball.  I am not afraid to be friends with the underdog or to speak my mind.  I am finally in a place where I can be my true self and for that I am eternally grateful.

Coming away from this reunion, I felt a renewed sense about my childhood and teenage years.  It gave me reassurance that as I watch my own children begin to navigate the world of youth and adolescence, I am hoping that they too, will walk away relatively unscathed...or at least with minor emotional scars. Those wounds come with experiences and friendships that will help shape and define their lives in more ways than they know and although I would not want to go back to that time in my life, I feel confident that I can help them realize that "this too, shall pass" in times of sorrow and struggle.  I can also remind them to cherish the moments laughter and joy in childhood, because we all know they are fleeting.

And once again, this blog is dedicated to my dear old friends and classmates from Willard Jr. High in Santa Ana...

Until we meet again,

Cheers!




 

Is Your Next Trip to the Library Long Overdue?

My affection and affinity for the library and my love of reading began when I was around four or five.  I used to wait anxiously for the "Book Mobile" to set up shop along side the playground at the park across the street from my house.  In fact, I am pretty sure I thought that all libraries were rolling school buses with card catalogs, the Dewey Decimal System and shelves stacked with books.  It really was the coolest.

I remember I would ride my bike over and check out as many books as I could carry and load into my white plastic basket.  Then I would pedal home feverishly, spread them out on the carpet in the living room and marvel at the treasures I would have in my possession, well for two weeks at least.  Each one represented a new adventure and I couldn't wait to delve into the pages of every single one.

Some weekend mornings I would wake up at dawn and throw on some warm clothes, usually a robe and socks right over my pajamas and gather up a few of my favorites from that week's selection. Once again I would hop on the old purple Schwinn with the flowered banana seat and sissy handlebars, load up the basket and return to the scene of the crime...well the park that is.  And really, is checking out 15 books at once really a sin?  I hardly think so.

Anyway, I would ride around the park a few times to warm up and then settle in on a bench near the old faded tennis courts, another of my favorite places but we'll save tennis stories for another day.

I would spend about an hour combing through the pages of each book, carefully memorizing the pictures and words and imagine myself flying on a magic carpet, fighting swash-buckling pirates or pretending to be a friends with a talking cat in a giant red and white hat!  Gotta love Dr. Suess. 

Eventually I would start to get cold and a bit hungry so I would make my way back home, usually to find my mom sipping coffee and scanning the newspaper.  I guess she figured that since I was making good use of my time by reading and such, why worry that I had been in a park, alone, at six in the morning...Seriously folks, it was a different time and I can't fault her for that!  And by gosh, I was a rather industrious seven-year-old, if not a tad bit on the odd side.

So as years passed on, my relationship with the library ebbed and flowed like the ocean tides, sometimes quite close and powerful, other times, weak and rather lackluster. 

I checked out a book once, in 1991.  I forgot to return it and got some fairly threatening letters from the Anaheim public library and if I remember correctly, they reported me to a collection agency.  The amount of guilt and embarrassment I felt was a bit ridiculous but I thought I had betrayed the one social institution I could always count on...hey, If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

So, when I found that book about ten or so years ago, wouldn't you know, I returned it.  Still ashamed of my indiscretion, I dropped it in the box outside.  I can only imagine the librarian's reaction to discovering this hardback, long since forgotten, had been returned to its rightful owner...Ah, the relief I felt, guilt purged and once again, I could rekindle my relationship with my long lost love.  I signed up for my library card in Huntington Beach and haven't looked back.

The HB Central Library proved to be an invaluable asset when I was going to college.  The resources were unlimited and I could find whatever I needed to compile the perfect paper, and I found peace when I needed to study statistics and algebra (not my strongest subjects).  And now as my son navigates through middle school, we find ourselves once again, checking out books on topics ranging from old U.S. presidents to science to fiction.  And once again, we can find whatever we need, right at our fingertips.

Now when I have the time, I love nothing more than to stroll down the aisles looking through subjects ranging from self-help, history, and cooking to the latest works of fiction.  I even put myself on the waiting list for a book today.  It's a trashy novel I can't wait to start!  C'mon, I never said I was some sort of intellectual reader but I am proud to admit that I did read a little bit about Henry the VIII today and toyed with the idea of checking out a book on poems by Robert Frost...but hey, I'm not that highbrow.

One can only aspire...

I love sharing this place with my children and teaching them that the library is consistent and secure.  You can always find answers to your questions, entertain your mind and enlighten your soul. 

Don't get me wrong, I still love to buy books but there is something uniquely special about the library.  Maybe it's the sense of community, maybe it's the ambiance, or maybe it's just a place that induces and provokes fond memories from my childhood and a love of reading and writing, now more than ever. 

So if your relationship with the library has been on hiatus, I think it might be a good time to revisit and old friend.  Start slowly and build it back up, remember you only have to stay committed for three weeks! But beware, don't be late because if you cross her...you will have to pay, in overdue fees that is. 

Good news friends, she doesn't hold a grudge!

How Does She Do It?

There is a new movie out this weekend called "I Don't Know How She Does It," starring Sarah Jessica Parker.  Well, in real life SJP does it with a full-time staff, but that's another story.  We are talking about real women, not the ones who play them on TV or in the movies.

No, we real women are struggling every day, trying to meet the needs of all the people in our lives, often sacrificing the hopes and dreams of the three that are most important: Me, Myself and I.

For those of you men out there reading this...Fear not, I will not be bashing you.  I am speaking from my perspective-that of a woman's, therefore my perception is from that stand point.  I do not discriminate against our male counterparts, nor do I suffer from Freud's theory of penis envy.  But I have to admit, I wouldn't mind trading places for a day, I mean just to see what it's like to pee standing up. 

I am just stating the opinion of one woman sprinkled with colorful ideas shared among other women who have experienced many of the same feelings and circumstances that I have.

So this begs the question, really "how does she do it?" I'm afraid that the answer is not so simple.  In the real world, most women juggle careers and family, while trying to find some space for themselves which is often the last and most challenging part. 

See, somewhere along the way, we (women) decided that we must be able to "have and do it all," at once, that is.

I do believe it's possible to "have and do it all," but I am not so sure that it can be accomplished all at the same time.  I think that there are different stages where the various pieces of the puzzle fit together nicely and things run quite smoothly.  I think there are other stages in our lives where you've only got three corners of a 1000 piece brainteaser and the picture on the box is torn off.

Let me share...So as we've discussed before, I went to college for the better part my adult life, from age 20 to 35.  During that time, I was married, bought a house, worked, had a kid, worked and tried to create harmony and balance in my life. 

It's all sort of blurry because the time tends to creep along while you are in it and then -poof- it's suddenly over.  Well, I can remember this much, it wasn't easy.  There was an awful lot of stress, self-imposed I might add.  Learning to depend on others was quite challenging for me.  Surrendering expectations and allowing things to flow is still something that I constantly struggle with.

So when I graduated, I did it with honors and an award of Professional Promise from my academic department at Cal State Fullerton.  I try not to boast about these accolades but damn it, I worked my ass off for them and once in a while it's nice to mention.  Miss Piper came along nine months later and suddenly my career path and ideas about my future changed completely.  My diploma is hanging on the wall above this very computer, but the award is collecting dust in a cabinet somewhere in this house. 

I had the opportunity to become a stay-at-home mother which was something I had only dreamed of when Gavin was young.  The first six months were truly filled with bliss.  Even with the lack of sleep, Piper was an easy baby and Gavin was a great kid, already quite self sufficient and easy to please. 

But...after 20 years in the work force and 15 of those spent in the academic world, I definitely got itchy and frustrated with trying to figure out what to do with myself.  The transition to being at home was not an easy one and the part of me that wants "it all" still struggles daily with not having an office or a specific place to be. 

See, I am one of those who thrives on structure, in fact I NEED it.  Now that my kids are getting older, I toy with the idea of going back to work but then I realize that, probably now more than ever, I need to be available to my kids, especially my nearly 13 year-old. In order to remain focused,  I must create my own structure which is very difficult at times.  I find that making lists and goals is one way of staying on task.  I have heard that following a routine is key.  It takes self-discipline, not my strongest quality.  I am better at "managing people" (okay, so I am a little bossy) so in the times I am home alone, I have to remind myself what my "job" requirements are.  This can be tricky but I do my best.  Hey, already did three loads of laundry this morning, check!

I chose to become a mother and therefore, making certain sacrifices is part of the deal.  We all make sacrifices as parents and it is a humbling experience at the very least.  Our ideas of who and what we thought we would be change the instant a child enters our world.  Another reason why having kids after age 30 is a good idea, that way you can fulfill your dreams of becoming a trapeze artist, professional roller skater or fashion designer before the kidlets come along (wait, was that just me)?

On the flip side of things, being able to stay at home has afforded me the opportunity to pursue my writing and inspired me to take chances that I may not have taken if I had still been working in the corporate world...Okay, I know the surf industry is not that "corporate" but I did pay my dues with the 9-5 work days, travel and meeting professional surfers.  Wait, that suddenly doesn't sound so bad!

My job definitely didn't suck but I saw it as more of a transition to what would become my "dream career," but little did I know, as of now~that was a career of sorts. 

Now that I am home, I feel like I can't win.  Some are quick to criticize, saying that I lead a life of leisure, others argue that I am doing the hardest job in the world.  There is an ongoing fight between stay-at-home and working parents and I am equally sad and angry that there is even a debate.  Every parent knows how hard it is to make the decision to work or not, and for most, it's not an option.   I have been on both sides of the fence and I can say without a doubt,  each situation is difficult and challenging, but also rewarding and satisfying.

Blowhards like Dr. Laura would tell you that you are doing an absolute disservice to your children by working but what that nut job doesn't take into consideration (as she sits in her huge home spewing off advice with a cold heart and self-righteous attitude), is that people have bills to pay and mouths to feed.  And, they actually might like, dare I say, LOVE what they do.  And guess what, they can still be amazing parents.

So for me, at this stage in my life, I do have it all, all that I need, that is.  Life is unpredictable and it leads us back full circle in knowing that there is only one thing you can count on for sure...Change.  So being in the present is key to recognizing we are perfect right where we are.   And even if things are not perfect right now, we can take comfort in knowing that we can depend on the one constant we have. 

And even though we think we must be on every committee, bake cookies for the class, submit an extraordinary proposal, dress to the nines, have perfect hair, a spotless house and the perfect relationship, know in your heart that what really matters is what you already have.  You might have to dig around a little to uncover it, but I promise you that it's there.

And don't be afraid to depend on the people around you. Relinquish your hold on every little detail and you might be surprised and delighted in knowing that you don't have to "do it all," alone that is, and you can still "have it all."

And that my friends, is how she does it.

Back to school...

Summer is certainly a time for relaxing and enjoying warm sunny weather and lazy mornings. 

Unless you have kids.

We all think that summer is going to be a welcome respite from our usual hectic schedules but for all of us who are parents or caretakers of kids, we know there is no such thing.  In fact, summer tends to be the time we are the busiest. 

Whether you are a stay-at-home or working parent, your days are filled with shuttling your kids or arranging rides to and from various theme parks, friend's houses, camps, summer school, the mall~the list is endless. 

You see, kids-at least the smaller ones-don't know the meaning of "slowing down and taking it easy."  They are rip-roaring and ready to go as soon as they wake up, at least the ones under age 10.  The older ones are content to sleep until noon and then, just when you are ready for a nap they are asking for a ride or to have friends over (I might be speaking from personal experience here...)

This is where I am caught in the cross hairs of a very loaded shotgun.  You see, my children are nine years apart...yes, nine years.  We did this on purpose, to a certain extent.  We started out with the intention of having our kids about three years apart but then three became five and five became seven and then the ole' biological clock started not just ticking but rather POUNDING and well...I wanted another baby.

This took some convincing on Chris's part because our life had gotten so very easy.  We were traveling again, our nights were filled with peaceful sleep and diapers, wipes and high chairs were looooonnnnnng gone.  Or so we thought.

There was a bit of a baby boom among my friends and I wanted to hop on board the mystery ship.  What, with turning 35, the illusion of running out of time was on the forefront of my mind.  I was also graduating from college after the better part of 15 years and really, school was one of the reasons we had waited to have a another crumb cruncher. 

Turns out, I happen to be pretty lucky in the fertility department (which, incidentally I am very grateful for) and got pregnant almost immediately~a graduation present if you will.

So when my daughter was born nine months later, we became a family of four.  Well actually seven if you include the dogs and hamster...wait I think the hamster was dead.   Well six I guess.  Anyway, we were blessed to complete our family with 2.0 children (who gets a .5 kid anyway).

Now here I am, staying home with my kids, probably busier than I have ever been in my life.  My heart and respect goes out to those women that work and have kids because it's tough any way you slice it.  If you aren't the one driving them around, you are arranging for them to be driven.  Schedules and classes and friends!   Ugh~it's enough to make you want to scream sometimes. 

With one kid in 7th grade and one in preschool, I am starting to see the light again and this train is chugging along just like the "Little Engine That Could."  I have at least 15 more summers ahead of me but hey, this is what I signed up for, right?  Didn't we all?

This is really what it's all about and the time is surely fleeting.  I mean, look how fast this summer went?

When our kids head back to their classrooms, that's the time that we actually get a break, until Christmas vacation at least! 

And, like the sound of enchanted melodies from our favorite musicians, to most of us parents hearing the phrase "back to school," never sounded so sweet.

Gratitude and glasses

Lately I have been feeling a little down in the dumps.  Everyone goes through a funk every now and then, some more than others.  I tend to be an eternal optimist but even I can suffer from a bout of the blues once in a while, sometimes the glass is only half full. 

When I was younger, I went through some turbulent times as I am sure most of you have too.  It builds character, gives us gumption, right?  I hope so.  The experiences we have shape our lives and the people we are now.  I wouldn't trade 'em because I really believe that all things, good and bad, give us an opportunity to learn, to grow. 

So today, I thought that instead of focusing on the ugly, I would make a list of things I am grateful for. 

I am grateful for the sound of my Pug's snoring downstairs, because I know that means she's content and full.

I am grateful for my ears because I can hear the soulful sweet music playing downstairs, "Into the Mystic," now that's good stuff.

I am grateful for my eyes because I can see the green leaves on the trees outside my kitchen window, because I know that Autumn is coming, the colors will change and the leaves will fall reminding me that I am also going through the seasons of my life and that each one is precious and a gift.

I am grateful for my fingers because they are my most creative appendages, they allow me to put the words in my head down in print to share with others.

I am grateful for my cat who is sitting nearby, grooming her soft fur, and that reminds me of comfort and love from my childhood.

I am grateful for the unmade beds in my house because I have a warm place to sleep at night.

I am grateful for my mother who gave me life and who is always there for me, who gets me and all my crazy and loves me even more.

I am grateful for my father who I know is watching over me now and who I will miss forever until we meet again, and also because he taught me how to work a vice and a screwdriver.

I am grateful for my children because they are truly the funniest people I know and without laughter, what's it all about anyway?

I am grateful for patience because my husband has a lot of it and without him, I would not be the woman I am today.

I am grateful for my friends and family and their love and ongoing support.  Making dreams come true all by yourself is no fun.

I am grateful for so many things, this list could go on and on and on. 

What a lucky girl I am.

So today, think about what you are grateful for and maybe make a little list. 

My dear friend Amber always reminds me to count your blessings because someone always has it worse than you, and you know she's right.   

We tend to pick and point out the worst parts of ourselves, our days, our friends...maybe just today you see the glass is half full.

My cup runneth over...

Focus, or at least I am trying to.

Good morning and happy Saturday!

If you are like me, you might suffer from a little ADD or OCD, which can be bothersome at times but I prefer to remove the negative connotation and re-frame it in a more positive light....how about "Effective Multi-tasker?"

Let me explain. 

Take cleaning the house for example.  One would assume that it might be best to start in one room, finish that task and then move on to the next.  My logical brain tells me that's the ideal plan, however my scatterbrain suggests otherwise. Perhaps I start out with this plan in mind and although the execution is off to a great start, the phone rings and I have to answer it. 

If the phone is next to the computer, I might check my email.  Then the email might mean that I need to answer a pressing question from a friend or colleague.  Then I remember that I need to pay the bills so the drawer opens up and out they come.  Then I realize that the drawer needs to be cleaned out and as all the paperwork is spread out on the carpet, I spot a picture of an old friend.  Ahhhh memories.

Then I open the cupboards and begin to search for those photos that I need to gather for my upcoming reunion.  Piles of albums build up on the counter and then I remember...Ah, those photos are downstairs.  I run down to the closet like the Tasmanian Devil and take out the vacuum and wrapping paper.  They must be in here somewhere.  Nope, they must be in the garage in the file cabinet.  I take out all the files and no, not there either.  Oh yeah, just remembered.  In the box under the bed.  Back upstairs I go, only I've left a trail of crap like Hansel and Gretal left breadcrumbs, at least I found my way back to my room where it all started.

I gather up all the laundry and put it in the hamper.  I then straighten the books,  make the bed and remember what I need to focus on:  Cleaning the house. Instead, what I have done is created an even bigger mess.  So it's back to the computer room to organize the bills, put the albums away, run downstairs to close the drawers, shove the wrapping paper and vacuum back in the closet, and finally back to the garage to jam the file folders into the cabinet.

What was I doing again?

Now it's probably been about two hours of this nonsense and what have I accomplished?  Hmmmm.

I suddenly have a great idea for a blog. 

Now that my friends is "Effective Multi-tasking."

I sure hope the phone doesn't ring.